Victim Impact Statement
After the trial and verdict, I thought the best way I could share with you what I am feeling is to share my Victim Impact Statment with you. I read this to the judge in Donthe’s presence.
VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT
Donthe Lucas is a master manipulator. He caught Kelsie in his web and played his cruel games with her for years. She gave and gave to him and all he did in return was take and take. He stole her self worth, he took every cent he could get out of her by making her feel sorry for him. He got what he WANTED and watched her go without what she NEEDED. He saw her big heart and realized she was his perfect victim. But taking all those things from her and ruining those years of her life with him wasn’t enough. He ultimately stole her life, her future, her hopes and dreams. Not only did he do that to Kelsie, he did it to their unborn child.
Donthe had every opportunity to try to show his remorse by simply letting us bring Kelsie home. He knows that is all I have ever really wanted. Instead, he chose to try to save himself in his thinking that if Kelsie’s remains were never found, he would not be convicted of this crime. That is all he would have had to do is let us bring her home to give her a proper burial and this whole thing could have had a much different outcome.
I wonder if deep inside Donthe really thinks about the beautiful girl he destroyed. She was so good to him. My guess is she probably treated him better than anyone in his life ever has. I wonder if he misses her. I wonder if he cries for her. I wonder if he feels like a total piece of shit for trying to portray her as a junky during this trial where she had no ability to defend herself. He would tell any lie he could think of to save himself.
I somewhat hesitate to talk about what losing Kelsie has done to me, because I feel like Donthe will get some satisfaction from hearing me speak of my suffering. I have never once in 8 years, stopped thinking about my Kelsie. No matter what I am doing, a part of my thought process is thinking about her. Losing her and going through all of the trauma and all of the fighting I had to do to try to bring her home, has taken an unbelievable toll on me. I am no longer the Laura Saxton that my daughter knew when she was still living. I live with depression, anxiety and insomnia. I have lost friends and family members. People who I thought would always be there for me walked away. I have put up an emotional wall so high in order to protect myself from being hurt by others. People tend to avoid me because my situation makes them so uncomfortable. What about my discomfort!! I feel like a leper and that I don’t belong anywhere.
I don’t feel true joy. Life events that are supposed to be happy ones, are not for me. All they do is remind me of what I have missed out on with Kelsie. I hate the holidays. Months before the holiday season, my anxiety goes way up because I don’t want to go through another holiday without Kelsie. I don’t get to see her get married and have babies. I will never get to hold a child of hers. I will never get to hold her! I ache to feel her in my arms. I ache to hear that precious laugh of hers that always made me laugh too. I long to look into her beautiful hazel eyes that sparkled and danced. I miss her pure silliness. I miss watching funny movies with her or going shopping with her. I miss hearing her say “Hey, mama!” when she would see me. All things I will never get to do ever again.
I have spent the past 8 years praying that we would find Kelsie, to no avail. God seems to have forgotten about us. I have also prayed for most of that time that I would not wake up the next morning because I am so tired of living in pain. The pain never stops, ever. This is not living.
I had hoped that going through this trial would be cathartic, but it has only been painful. Seeing Donthe walk in looking like he hasn’t had a care in the world for years, kills me as I look at myself and see how much this has aged me. There appears to be no remorse at all. He has spent his time keeping up with his multiple girlfriends who are now his source of income.
I have had to sit and listen to Donthe’s defense team drag Kelsie through the mud. She couldn’t defend herself and I wasn’t allowed to defend her either. I have heard Kelsie’s unborn child referred to as a tadpole. I have heard human remains referred to as “nifty stuff”. Apparently anyone who is on anti-anxiety medication, or medication for depression is considered a junky. I guess that makes me a junky too. All very hurtful things to hear and I had to sit silent and take it.
All in all, this all comes down to the fact that Donthe lured Kelsie to Pueblo and he murdered her and has kept her remains and those of their unborn child hidden from us. Instead of helping us, he was looking for prostitutes. He has shown no remorse and he won’t do the one thing that he could to give me any sort of peace in my life. I am going to struggle to make it through the rest of my life. He took my daughter from me. He took my best friend.
